One More Test
by Triforce90
Summary: This is an addon to The Odyssey... Athena and Odysseus take a picnic, which turns into a disaster. Something I had to do for English, and of course I would have to make it retarded. Keara wanted me to post this I am her slave, she is my master.


Odysseus, noble warrior and leader of Ithaka, skipped out of his house, picnic basket in hand.

It was a beautiful day in Ithaka, the sun was high up in the sky, shining down with a force that only Helios could match. His wife, Penelope, the proud and wise queen, eagerly forced him to be on his way to enjoy a lunch in the open meadows.

As Odysseus said "Good day!" to his swineherd (who merely murmured, shoveling more manure into a pile), he remembered the discussion with his wife two minutes ago.

_FLASHBACK!_

"Odysseus, snookums," said Penelope, wisest of all women besides the great Athena herself, "why don't you take this picnic lunch I packed for you and eat it in the meadows? It's such a lovely day."

"I would, butter biscuit," replied Odysseus, "but it's been so long since I've been here, I figured I would just eat lunch here with you!"

"But look outside!" Penelope went over to a window and threw it open. As if on cue, the harpist, who had been sitting in the corner all of this time, played a majestic melody to accompany the wonderful sunshine and bliss of nature the gods had given them. "The flowers are in bloom, the birds are flying high, and…" Penelope paused to slap her cheek. "The flies are out buzzing…" she said, continuing from where she left off. "Do I have bug guts on my face?"

Odysseus nodded, then continued his argument while Penelope trotted off to her "powder corner" to wipe the purple guts off her face.

"But you see, my cookie, you are more wonderful than all of those things. You are more wonderful than Athena, the grey-eyed goddess, and you are certainly more beautiful than Kalypso, the nymph that held me captive and tried to marry me."

Odysseus crossed his fingers, hoping that his wife wouldn't know that he had _not _been held captive.

"I appreciate you for saying that, snicker doodle, but I really do think you should go eat your lunch in the meadow."

"I'm staying here."

"Do it."

"No."

"Do it."

"No.

"DO IT!" Penelope's eyes flashed red with rage.

Odysseus, afraid of losing his life, grabbed the picnic basket and fled the room.

_END FLASHBACK!_

"Odysseus!" came a voice from the distance.

Odysseus stopped skipping, wondering who had called his name.

"Odysseus!"

Odysseus began to look around, looking for someone that was trying to get his attention.

"Over here! …No. You're off. A little more to the right. There… No! Stop! To the left now! A little bit… A little more… There! Hello!"

Odysseus smiled when he noticed his good friend Athena, waving from two feet in front of him.

"Dear Athena, what are you doing here?" asked Odysseus. "You should be looking over us from Olympus, or off smiting some fool."

"I've come to join your picnic, Odysseus!" said the grey-eyed goddess. "I know I shouldn't invite myself, but I figured since I can kill you whenever I want you wouldn't object!"

"But… uh… that seems like it's going to be a little hard to do," said Odysseus, scratching the back of his head.

"Why?" asked Athena.

"Well… You're you."

"Huh?" Athena then looked at herself. "Oh. Yeah. The whole 'goddess' bit. Well, I guess I could pretend to be a lady friend for a visit."

"Everyone knows I'm married," said Odysseus. "If they see me with you, they'd think I'm cheating on Penelope."

"OK," said Athena. "I'm your long-lost sister that you and everyone else thought had died in a storm."

"That kind of works, but that wouldn't explain why you look like the spitting image of Athena."

"I'm your sister that makes a living as an impersonator."

"And if they ask to see some magic?"

"We run away."

"Works for me," said Odysseus. "Shall we go?"

"We shall. I just hope this is worth it. I had to give my powers to my father just to be here with you. If I don't, you'll be doing so many sacrifices that you'll have to borrow rams in order to make them all."

The warrior and the grey-eyed goddess began their journey to the meadow, smiling as the sun shined brightly above them. The journey started off very well; Athena had asked Odysseus about Penelope and Telemakhos, and he enjoyed telling her.

"Penelope is doing just fine. She's getting a little old in years, and her skin's beginning to sag, and her face is beginning to pale, and she's getting a bit edgy, but she's tolerable. Telemakhos is staying home and he's begun to eat a lot and get a little out of shape, but he's still a fine boy."

"Indeed he is," replied Athena. "He reminds me of a boyfriend I had once."

The conversation began to turn for the worse. Odysseus had listened to Athena's story in interest at first, but after awhile he began to loose interest. Wondering when she was going to quit, he decided that it would be best to just continue walking, nodding occasionally.

"I was never real popular in high school, but we weren't allowed to kill each other, so I just went on with my life."

As Athena continued to tell her life story, Odysseus began to wonder if there was some way he could safely escape. He was cut off from that thought, however, when the duo reached the meadow.

"Billy was very patient with me. He knew that it didn't matter if I ran away with him to Florida or not, just as long as I… Oh! We're here!"

Odysseus merely nodded, looking around and taking in the beauty the gods had blessed him with. Tulips were growing in random patches here and there, and everywhere else a tall grass had occupied the soil.

"Shall we sit under that tree?"

Odysseus looked and saw that Athena was pointing to a dead oak; it seemed to be the only dead vegetation in the whole meadow.

"Sure."

The two made their way to the tree, looked around, and then sat.

Odysseus opened the picnic basket, pulled out a ham sandwich, and offered it to the goddess. She shook her head, mumbled something about having already eaten, and continued to look around. Taking a bite out of the sandwich, Odysseus took in the sight as well.

The two sat there in awkward silence for about five minutes until Athena broke the non-existent noise.

"Well, anyway, as I was saying, I finally decided that I would runaway to Florida with Billy, as he had planned in the first place. Dad was furious, of course, and so was my brother, but I figured that didn't matter and the two of us teleported to Miami. When we got there, a lot of people looked at us strangely… I guess they didn't know how we got there or something. Anyway, we checked into a hotel… The hotel manager looked at us strangely, too. Well we went up to our room and we were, like, "DUDE! THESE ACCOMIDATIONS ARE **SO** NOT COOL!"… You know how high school kids refuse to talk right, right?" So, anyway, we then… Are you alright?"

Odysseus was banging his head against the trunk of the tree. Or, he was, but when Athena had asked her question he immediately stopped.

"Oh. Yes, I am, thank you. I was… itching, that's all."

"Hmm…" Athena looked at the warrior, suspicion in her eyes. Odysseus noticed this and gave an obviously nervous smile.

To make him seem less tense, he began to rummage in his picnic basket, looking for something to eat. Finding a bar of chocolate, he began to peel back the wrapper.

"Ooh!" said Athena, breaking the silence once again. "Can I have that?"

"Mmm…" Odysseus looked at the chocolate bar. "No. Sorry. My wife packed it for me, so it's mine."

"But…" began Athena. "After all I did for you? After making it safe for you to return home and helping you kill the suitors, you're not going to give me something in thanks? I mean, sure, you make sacrifices, but what am I supposed to do? Just sit there and watch the smoke?"

"OK, how about I just _thank _you for what you did?" asked Odysseus. "I'm grateful, really, I just haven't had the time to say it."

"You're right. It does take a couple of hours to say 'thank you', doesn't it?"

"Stop."

"No! I demand you to give me that piece of chocolate!"

"No."

"Give it to me!"

"No!"

"NOW!"

"NO!"

Athena let out a shriek in rage and then lunged at the hero. Odysseus, taken by surprise, could not brace himself and fell on his back. His grip loosened on the bar of chocolate and it flew several feet away from him, landing in the grass with a soft thud.

Odysseus grabbed Athena by the arm, flipped her over, and bound her to the ground. Athena managed to break free of his hold and slapped him in the face. Odysseus returned the slap and Athena returned the slap back to him. Pretty soon, the two began to flail their hands in each other's faces, hoping that their blows would be successful. Their faces were turned away (exposing one cheek and keeping the other hidden) and their eyes were winced, bracing themselves for the blows.

It was quite an amusing site, watching two fully-grown people in the middle of a catfight. Both seemed to be equally matched, but Athena's long fingernails had scratched Odysseus in the face several times, leaving faint white marks behind them.

Athena then stopped. Odysseus continued to slap for a while, but then stopped when he realized that his foe wasn't slapping back.

"What am I doing?" asked Athena. "I'm a goddess, for goodness sakes! I can just fry you!"

"I regret to tell you this, 'mighty one'," replied Odysseus, "but your powers were taken away by your father!"

"No problem! I'll just ask for them back!" Athena then looked towards the summit of Mount Olympus to the east. "FATHER!"

_AT THE TOP OF MOUNT OLYMPUS_

"How many times must I tell you, Poseidon?" shouted Zeus. "Three 'fives', one 'eight', and one 'three' does **not **beat a 'royal flush'!"

"Fine!" shouted Poseidon, throwing his playing cards on the table and standing up. Then, pointing an accusing finger at his brother, he shouted "But I'm not playing cards with you **anymore**!"

"Oh, go cry in a corner!" said Zeus as he scraped in his winnings.

"FATHER!"

The two gods looked up, confused.

"Did you hear that?" asked Zeus.

"Yeah. One of the neighborhood kids, no doubt."

"No! It can't be! My parental instincts are tingling!"

"So…"

"Athena is calling!"

"Ah."

The two brothers sat there in silence. Zeus had his eyes wide open while Poseidon tapped his fingers on the card table, bored out of his mind.

"So," said the god of the sea, "did you see that movie last weekend?"

"Yeah," said Zeus, eyes going back to normal. "Worst ten bucks _I _ever wasted."

_BACK AT THE MEADOW_

"I can't believe it…" said Athena, eyes filling with tears. "Daddy's little girl has been… abandoned."

Athena sat there in silence, her sorrow as deep as the blue sea that Poseidon ruled. She felt terrible, as if one of her biggest friends had been eaten by the wicked Skylla.

All sorrow flew away, however, when she heard the sound of chomping teeth behind her.

"NO!" shouted the grey-eyed goddess as she saw Odysseus, who now bore a smudged brown mustache above his lip. "You… ate it?"

Odysseus responded with a belch.

"CURSE YOU!" Athena shouted, pointing a finger at the hero. "HOW DARE YOU USE YOUR TRICKERY AGAINST ATHENA, GODDESS OF WISDOM AND DAUGHTER OF THE ALMIGHTY ZEUS?"

"You're not so almighty now!" said Odysseus, smugly.

Athena harrumphed and stormed away towards the direction of Mount Olympus, mumbling something about "one of the worst men I've **ever **met since Billy".

Odysseus smiled to himself as he leaned against the dead oak tree. Several minutes passed until he heard a small squeaking at his heels.

"What's this?" he asked himself, noticing a small field mouse. "Hello there. Can I help you?"

The mouse squeaked.

"You want the wrapper?"

The mouse squeaked again.

"OK my friend. Here you go."

Odysseus handed the mouse the wrapper to the chocolate bar, who grabbed it in his teeth and scampered off.

"Well," said Odysseus to himself. "That was unusual."

**_THE END_**


End file.
